here is a new entry because kevin went to my xanga and left a message. i'm in re-starting to enjoy school again. getting back into the flow of things....yeah...life is mediocrely exciting. i'm gonna try to be more "outgoing". on a side note, haven't drank in a while. i'm planning on getting kahlua so i can make drinks...i forgot what it's called...idk if it's white russian or black russian...kevin, wat was it that we drank at iggy's?...anyways, planning on boosting my gpa up a lot this semester... that's about all that's on my mind...forced myself to write this...i wonder how san diego is...

I woke up at noon after only 3 hours of sleep to prepare food for tonight. I had to call my auntie to find out how to prepare the marination for the "galbi", a Korean bbq rib dish . It took a while to defrost the meat. I think I did ok preparing the meat. I took a nap before I got the grill started. The charcoal took forever to catch on fire. Kevin had to go to the store to charcoal lighter. So I got the fire started and Jeff called the girls to come over. Tonight was the opening ceromony for the Olypics in Athens. So while I was cooking, I had to make sure I got to see Guam and Korea's team. They only showed Guam VERY briefly. Korea was nice; North and South both walked together holding the flag like they did at Sydney. While I was washing a cup so that I could drink some water, and I accidentally cracked it and now I have a deep gash on my pinkie. It took a while for it to clot, but now I think it's ok. Hmm...a lot of people know now. I was thinking about doing something tonight, but once again I was too timid and scared. Apathy. Or is it just because of she doesn't know? *sigh* Well at least I received compliments from almost everyone for the good food. It's ok. Maybe I'll do something tomorrow. Yeah. That will probably be best. Can't wait until Rosaritos.

So everyone thinks (including the girls), that I'm hiding something. Yeah, I guess I am. Yesterday, I was thinking that I had enough confidence, but because of being belittled, I have lost much confidence to do anything. It doesn't help that the guys know and only Kevin and Jeff actually care to make the effort and not tell everyone. Mitch slipped up again cause he was drunk. It seems like Jeff and Kevin are starting to get annoyed by me. I feel like I'm being a huge annoyance here in San Diego. Maybe I should leave sooner, but then I don't want to. Though the guys say they are only joking, wouldn't there be some true intentions behind their words? If a person keeps "joking" around about the same thing over and over again even though it hurts another person's feelings, is that really being "considerate"? The plan to go Six Flags got cancelled so I guess I'm not going. We're going Rosaritos though. I want to gather enough courage and confidence to do something. Kevin keeps saying I'm wasting my time cause I'm not doing anything about it, but am I really? I will prove him wrong.

A good number of people know now. I just hope that all things resolve well. I "wished" for the best, and hope the best happens. Alva, Jaeanne, Nelly, Kevin, and I went to "Mount Helix" to watch the shooting stars. I saw 12 of them. It was pretty cool, but I think I was being kind of "KJ", cause I kept saying I saw one after I saw one. It was cool though. A cop called Alva out cause we were parked right in front of a sign that said no parking, so we left and was lost for a while until we found our way back.

So we were planning to go to Rosarito to go clubbing again, but it got cancelled. First, it was because the birthday girl got wasted before we could go so the main reason to go was wasted. But then Jaeanne, Alva, Mark, Joe, and some other guy said they were going to go. So I was excited, but Jaeanne had already split so I had no ride. Kevin said he would go if he could find Hazel's atm card first but couldn't, so I just said nevermind. Kind of wish I had been able to go. I kind of got sad cause I didn't get to dance and stuff. I REALLY wanted to go, but wasn't able to. Oh well. Hope tomorrow is a better day. Jeff knows. Damn. He guessed but I guess I show it.